I guess it's time.

A message to the seniors, although [most likely] 100% of you will not see this. We've known each other for varying amounts of time, anywhere from just a few years, to half our lives. And although I want to say goodluck, goodbye and wishes for the best as you all continue your lives, I realize that the vast majority of you will be here for the upcoming years. So... I'm somewhat stuck on what to even say to you all. Goodluck struggling through four(+) more years of jiral work, and hopefully you'll all succeed.

My Letter To You;
The fact of the matter remains, I love you as family. But because of that love, I remain distant. There's an underlying fear, a growing desire for acceptance, but at the same time a certain force that simply prevents me from reaching out to you. Whether you all stay or leave, in a year or so time I will be gone, if only to satisfy my irrational desire to escape.
I acknowledge this fact; it is a fact to me. A fact. I will be gone, you may or may not. I've got this growing fear within myself of disappearing, becoming once again, nobody. This feeling's just compounded by the fact that I'm constantly uprooted, experiencing new environments, never legitimately settling in, or feeling comfortable with my surroundings. Yet over time I've come to be at home in the belief that I cannot be at home. Do you understand me? It's a pretty crooked way to think, isn't it.
I'm stuck in the past, every time my entirety's transposed to what feels like an entire new dimension I'm stuck reminiscing about what once was. I miss the comfort, the free flow of conversation and ease of speech.
There isn't exactly much to say.
Just a question, a fleeting hope.
Can we all just spend a day, and just... talk. Laugh a bit, just take a moment to stop, remember the friendship, and... Let it all disappear.
Because it's already gone.
Just bring it back for a moment, please?

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All I thought was a dream
Was as real as it seemed
I made a mistake

Think about it every year, so I picked up a pen
Goodbye or hello, come back to me and be welcomed again

From the heavens to the womb to the heavens again
From the endin' to the endin', never got to begin
Maybe one day we could meet face to face?
In a place without time and space

happy birthday - flipsyde.

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Another thing. I de-activated facebook in the hopes that I'd do something more productive with my time. It's only been like... four hours, but still, its disheartening to open a new tab on mozilla and automatically type "face," until I realize what I'm doing and change it to something like yahoo or gmail. I wonder when I'll escape the trappings of technology as I see it. When will I learn to abandon this, seeing how unnecessary it is in everyday life. Yet I type this all on an online blog. Interesting.

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My third edit on the same post. Sorry to anyone, if you even read this.
But the ignorance, stupidity and insensitivity of people drives me crazy sometimes. I speak like a hypocrite, but can't you tell when he's at the brink of disaster.
Please, take your head out of your ass and help, don't tear down.
Fucking shameful.

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I want to cry out to you, help me... But at the same time I feel this ambivalence, and so I wallow in my grief.
Just a letter to the world. No, not only you. To the world.
Let me go.

... I wonder if I can take my own advice, and let go of everything.
Goodbye.