Change.

You know, for someone who's scared to death of change, I sure do advocate change a lot. Always yelling about how I'm going to do this, how I'm going to do that. How I'm going to someday end up in California, or Hawaii, or Australia, or off in some middle eastern nation. But even as I think that, I question myself; is this ever really going to happen? Or am I just setting myself up for a fall in the future, for more disappointment that I could have so easily avoided.
Sometimes I'm not entirely sure what I want. I balance my options on either side of a scale, wanting so desperately that peace, the simplicity of life in some beach town, not even a city. If that's even possible. But even as I dream this I know it's so impractical to imagine that I'll ever find a place like that for myself. On the other hand of the scale, life based around the military. Reminiscent of my own current/childhood life, constantly on the move. Never able to get my bearings, always... off somewhere. I feel as if I'd hate it. But at the same time... other factors appeal to me.
Neither future even seems all that practical.
Maybe I shouldn't have ruined my opportunities.
C.H.A.||U.S.M.