I took a moment to think. Hardly a moment, actually. Seconds.
One song just happened to come to mind, Scarred by Lyricks. I always used to have this... "noble" cause, constantly trying to create this illusion that my life served a legitimate purpose, that I was constantly changing and shaping lives other than my own.
It's a somewhat sad realization, but a necessary one, that I am not noble. That I have never been, and most likely never will be.
My life is one guided by selfish ambition.
I always dreamed that my words would flow together, painting a beautiful picture that others could relate to. I always dreamed that the strokes of my pen and pencil would create literal images that would speak not only a thousand, but a million words.
Perhaps a product of an inflated ego.
Perhaps all this time, I was simply desperate for recognition. I forced myself to limits in all directions, just needing you, and you, and you, to look at me with fondness.
I drove myself to the lower extreme, completely giving up in the area of academics, gaining recognition for failure in an instant from nearly everybody. But even during this time, I kept thinking to myself, that I would come back and show the true side of me.
I never did.
I pushed myself to my so called artistic limit, taking on ridiculous projects beyond my depth, and occasionally succeeding... somewhat. Though the majority have never been seen by anyone other than myself.
Always. I said my life was mapped out. That I would go to art college, become somebody of recognition in the word.
Realization of the truth.
It comes at the strangest times.
We're (almost) all selfish. We all have inflated egos, at times. It's simply human nature. However, at other times, we have a lot of self-doubt. But don't let that stop you. It isn't quite a realization because you ARE good. Just work on being realistic rather than idealistic. You are too pessimistic. Which leads to depression and thinking you're a failure, when you're NOT. Just take action... and it'll work out, one way or another. Maybe not in the way you wanted, but 90% of things don't anyways. Like an earlier quote I put it... "Life isn't always perfect... it's what you make of it." So go make something of your life, because you are good enough, and you can do it. To quote another "It's never too late to become the person you want to be" (Along those lines, anyways).
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