Connection. // Captivated.

It surprises me how much I can drift away at times. Apparently it's been happening to the point where people now notice. It sort of scares me. Well, I suppose it should. I feel as if I'm using you as an anchor right now. Well, not an anchor. Anchors are solid, sturdy, unmoving. It'd probably be better to say that I'm using you as a lifeline... One that I'm tempted to cut, yet at the same time I'm holding on for dear life.
I'm riding these waves, the water threatening to pull me under and drown me. Yet I'm somewhat at peace, even amidst the turmoil. But I understand, as soon as that line is broken, as soon as my connection to the world fades, it's over.

And the line is guaranteed to fall.

I suppose I'm just scared of the inevitable.
I just want to ask for you to take my hand and guide me. Like you once used to.

---

There's something... simply amazing about a beautiful story. So many elements that flow together to form something memorable. The many relationships between friends and family, multiple people intertwined in a web of just compassion and love. Legitimate, honest love. I say without shame that it's one of my strongest desires to have lived the life of a story. I sit here and think, "if only there were a way," to just find true adventure. To explore what's unknown. And all the while, have people near you who you can trust fully and honestly with your very own life. People who may not completely understand you, but who do understand that it's not necessary to analyze with depth every layer of your heart. People who trust in you. People who believe in all honesty with no reserve that you will always be there for them. I say again that it's one of the greatest desires of my heart to be apart of a story. I want to understand what it means to stand without fear before what you and others fear most. I want to understand what it means to protect those you love, and for that matter, simply understand love. I want my sins and actions to be known, yet even through the inevitable judgment that follows, have those who love me stand by my side and strengthen me.
I question sometimes if people feel the level of captivation and immersion into a story that I often feel. As I have said so often, I want something more. I wonder, if I was to ever find something so... beautiful and amazing, would I be meant to belong.